June 20, 2012
Once a time upon…
Oh we did that already? Of course, of course. Now. Where was I? Oh yes. The name of Mr. & Mrs. Toad Charming’s fifth child. Well quite honestly, in order to tell you his name, you’ll first need to understand just how this little miracle baby came to be…
After the birth of Jello, Princess Lara became restless. Having babies and naming them is one thing. People pretty much pamper you for several months and all you have to endure is a couple of hours of pain, then you get pampered again for about another year. But once the newness wears off and you’re stuck at home, the routine of changing diapers (no no she’s not born yet – the other diapers) all day long and wiping snot off doorknobs and TV screens while your handsome Prince is off managing a few hookers stable kingdom gets old fast. Really fast.
And besides, you don’t want to stay a princess forever, no! You want to be queen one day! So you might as well nose around the kingdom and pick a position that will eventually help you realise your dream. You know, not a job that requires rocket science college degree smarts – just running some little hick town where the people aren’t bright enough to know you’re only pretending to work when you’re actually home in bed eating a Super Moose Crunch Wrap and watching afternoon soaps.
And so it was that Princess Lara finagled her way into the hearts of the good (albeit a little slow) citizens of LaWissa, a small town just a stone’s throw from the castle. Princess Lara would pack up Traffic and Thorn and Jello and take them to school and day care, respectively, then meet friends at the local coffee house for breakfast. After a leisurely walk to the office she would spend an hour chatting up other town big-wigs and making lunch dates with visiting dignitaries. She would stay in the office just long enough to give the impression she knew what she was doing, toss a few important-sounding chores to her minions and then announce it was time for lunch.
After a leisurely lunch at a posh restaurant (with or without a dignitary) Lara would again drop by the office to see that the man she hired (with the town’s money, of course) to actually do her job was actually – you know – doing it. She would then announce it was time to pick up her children and take them home. This meant she was home every day by 3pm. (Who knew that jam-fingered anklebiters would turn out to provide such brilliant excuses for showing up late and leaving early from work!)
And so it was that after a hard day of managing to do hardly anything at all, our little Princess Lara would tuck herself neatly into her warm bed while the children and Daddy Toad were left to their alone time. So they could bond. No really, that was it. So they could bond.
But even this sweet arrangement became tedious after a time and Lara found herself longing for the days when people fell over themselves for the privilege of pampering her.
Thus was born the child she called Diaper.
Unfortunately, this time the pregnancy didn’t go to plan. There’s no maxim that says the older a woman gets the easier a pregnancy becomes and Princess Lara, now in her late thirties didn’t derive the same pleasures with her fourth pregnancy that she’d enjoyed during the first three. On the contrary, this time her ankles swelled, her back hurt, she had Braxton-Hicks pains for two full months and the baby kicked at her bladder non-stop in the third trimester. This was pretty much a sign of game over for Princess Lara the Baby Maker. She arranged to have her tubes tied once the baby was born.
If you’re keeping Traffic track, this is an important bit of information. Princess Lara had a tubal ligation after the birth of her fourth child.
And people knew.
(Sorry… Someone’s at the door. We’ll need to resume tomorrow!)
June 20, 2012
Once a time upon…
…in a land far, far away lived a beautiful princess named Lara and her husband, Prince Charming. The prince was a mere toad before Princess Lara kissed him, turning him from a simple pond-skimming toad into a handsome prince. In fact, Princess Lara continued to call her husband Toad, even after they married. It was like a sentimental secret that only they shared. The kiss, you see, had been an accidental one, occurring when she fell into a pond face first just as a fat toad was jumping up to catch a fly. But they told no one. It was their little secret and it always made them smile.
Prince Toad and Princess Lara went on to have a beautiful family but the first thing Princess Lara discovered about becoming a parent was how difficult it was to select baby names, especially ones that would please all her relatives and husband. There were just too many ideas and names from which to choose. So from the beginning, the Princess decided since she couldn’t please everyone she wouldn’t even try and each time she found herself pregnant, she would wander the kingdom looking about until some inanimate object Tripped her Trig made her giggle and that’s the name she would pick. And of course any name sure to raise eyebrows made her giggle with added glee.
For instance, after pulling off the road to watch a beautiful sunset she became distracted by a long line of cars on the horizon. The cars were all lit up with bright red taillights. So shiny and flashy was the parade of vehicles that careened past her that evening, she clapped her hands and thought perfect! And so it was, Princess Lara named her first child Traffic.
The second child became known as Thorn after the princess reached for a beautiful pink rose in the Royal Garden but pricked her finger on the bristly bush instead. (She’d wanted to name the baby Bristle, actually, but Toad put his foot down as there was a shanty in town called The Bristly Bear Bar & Grill and he adamantly didn’t want people mixing up his soon-to-be daughter with the local whore house, honky-tonk, dive, bar & grill where cheap women served even cheaper booze and greasy bear burgers. So Bristle became Thorn and Thorn grew up to appreciate her briery name.
The third child was called Jello. You see, Traffic, as a young lad would eat little else. It was his favourite dessert and he craved it morning and night, day in and day out. Princess Lara thought this cute at first, but when she was with-child again, she grew weary of the gelatinous goo. One day Princess Lara was forced to hire a cook so her son would stop nagging her. After all, her young offspring couldn’t possibly appreciate how difficult a task making Jello was for our delicate princess.
The fourth child was simply named Diaper and after watching Princess Lara chase after her other three children I’m guessing one needs no further explanation. Toad would have objected but after working hard all day at his massage parlor, in the kingdom, he was just too puckered tuckered out to care.
And while it’s nice to know the history of Traffic, Thorn, Jello and Diaper, this story isn’t about them. No, this story is about Lara and Toad’s fifth child, a magical baby the world would come to know as Little…
(to be continued)
[Jump to Part 2]
June 19, 2012
From RTSV Facebook page comes three new video responses to Michigan’s incredibly stupid ban on elected female pollies use of the word vagina – and the massive rally held on the Michigan state capitol steps where the Vagina Monologues were read aloud to a crowd of more than 5,000.
[Click image to enlarge]
The comments are great – even if you’re not on FB, click the link above and go have a read…
And here are the three best videos (links courtesy of RTSV)
Favourite lines from the MOC video:
Apparently, in Michigan, if you don’t see or hear something it doesn’t exist – now or ever – this goes for vaginas, dinosaurs and Oprah’s TV network!
If you’re wrong about something, you can’t just make up a law that says you weren’t wrong… [sic] if you’ve pissed off 90% of human beings who own vaginas you have to sit there and take it while the vagina people call you vagina-hating ??? tards!
haha if anyone can distinguish the last words in that PLEASE post them in the comments!
Favourite lines from Tyrannosaurus Rocks:
Women know pink taco don’t bite – you should’ve heard what they said to the far right… Vagina!
I bet your mama had a bearded clam – but you still defunded her breast exam!
Favourite lines from Lisa Koch:
Because nobody knows more about women’s issues than middle-aged men with combovers.
Don’t you guys have anything better to do than – say – jobs or the economy or… passing any legislature whatsoever?
I’m guessing the Republican Party in general is regretting their knee-jerk reactions to women and our needs of late…
I can’t remember when the public has had so much fun with a simple little word. There is that old line from the Terminator I’ll be back! Funny – same number of syllables. Go ahead – say it in Arnie’s voice:
I’ll be back!
Made you giggle didn’t it
June 19, 2012
From ABC News.com.au
Chinese Farmer takes his flock of 5000 ducks for a stroll…
[Click image to enlarge]
Full feel good story at link above. Image gallery here. (If gallery link doesn’t work outside Australia, click on the photo gallery link inside article.) While all the photos of the ducks in traffic are wonderful, I think my favourite is #10. The clear distinction between green, green background and the brown ducks in the foreground is just stunning.
June 18, 2012
From The Huffington Post:
The U.S. Conference of Mayors, a non-partisan organization made up of representatives from about 1,200 cities across the country, voted on Saturday to pass a resolution in support of women’s reproductive rights and funding for Planned Parenthood.
The resolution outlines the numerous efforts by state and federal lawmakers over the past several years to restrict women’s access to abortion and family planning services, including attempts to mandate ultrasounds before abortions, defund Title X and Planned Parenthood, ban abortions after 20 weeks, jeopardize access to birth control, compel the Internal Revenue Service to audit rape survivors who have abortions and allow hospitals to refuse emergency abortion care to women. The mayors promise to fight back against these efforts in the future and speak out on behalf of their female constituents.
The resolution “affirms the importance of women’s reproductive rights” and “urges Congress and the states to pursue a positive agenda that reaffirms fundamental rights and improves women’s access to safe and comprehensive reproductive-health care.”
Full story and video here.
Let’s hope the Republicans are taking notice…
June 17, 2012
I subscribe to Rock The Slut Vote on Facebook and today they had this link – which I am passing along to you… I could not have said it any better – especially her PS at the bottom. Have a sticky bveak, it’s totally worth your time
Is it Vagina Banned or Vagina Band?
June 14, 2012
In Australia you can go to jail for inciting hate on the airways, whether that’s through television or radio. You can also get suspended or lose your job altogether if your public comments are deemed inappropriate. Kyle Sandilands, one of the most popular radio DJs downunder has been suspended more than once for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and has had expulsion from the airways loom over his head on a few occasions.
Today we have this article [click to enlarge] from 7News in Queensland:
As I read this article and thought about all the consequences Kyle and other DJs have faced since I’ve been in Australia, my thoughts turned to Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin and FNC commentators. Now we get Fox here because it is our one and only cable channel. And I’m pretty sure the Australian regulations regarding hate speech don’t apply to them for many reasons – not actually being in this country and talking about our pollies being the major one.
But it doesn’t slip past many over here just how derogatory these people are and it’s been mentioned several times that had Sarah Palin made any of her spiteful comments about President Obama while on Australian soil, she could well have faced legal consequences including immediate deportation.
And I’m pretty sure Rush Limbaugh would be sucking down prison porridge instead of Mimosas for breakfast.
Where does freedom of speech end and slander begin? When did free speech mean the absence of basic humanity?
How long do we let public figures get away with lying through their teeth just to win an election?
June 12, 2012
…and is the title of a lead promo video for his company Tripp Apparel.
I stumbled upon it quite by accident looking for clips of Bristol’s new TV series by the same name:
(Is it me or does this guy even look like Levi?)
So it will be interesting to see who claims the name – it’s possible of course that someone at Tripp Apparel is taking advantage of Bristol’s TV series to gather youtube hits – but it should be noted that the company itself was here first.
Knowing how the Palins are so territorial about their ‘brand’ - this should be a fun ride
June 12, 2012
I have no idea whether Levi Johnston relinquished the surname of his son Tripp to the Palins or not – but I’m pretty sure that had this happened it would have been page one of every Palin-related blog from Alaska to Florida. So why these big-time television productions continue to refer to this child as Trip Palin is beyond my grasp. Do reporters not even bother to get their subject’s names right or are the Palins at the heart of the deceit?
But that’s not even the thing that’s bugging me the most this morning. Promo photos of Bristol’s new show (to air 19 June 2012 on Lifetime) purportedly taken between from last month and this have me chin-scratching.
See for yourself:
Now I know a kids physical appearance can change in a heartbeat and a haircut that removes all the baby curls can add a surprising amount of age to a young boys face – but really – my first impression was “Did they highlight his hair to make him look younger??? Had I not seen other photos of Tripp with the tow-head blonde curls (since 2009) I would have stuck with that impression too.
So let’s say (for the sake of argument) the photographer’s statement of having taken the tow-head photo in May 2012 is accurate (see below) and the unknown date shot was taken in June. That would explain the difference in hair. But it doesn’t explain the difference in size. The little boy sharing a frosting kiss with his mom looks so much taller and bigger in his upper body than the small boy sitting on his mom’s lap I can barely keep from shaking my head in disbelief.
Then it occurred to me that the photographer’s statement actually reads this:
Bristol has been shopping her reality show for close to if not more than two years. If this ‘pose’ was taken during an earlier promotion, that would place Tripp’s age as three years old more than a year ago – and his new older look for the newer promos would then make perfect sense.
Did the Palins shanghai his real surname and his real age?
I’m guessing one way or another this reality show is going to bite Bristol in the ass.
June 11, 2012
Way back here I wrote a post explaining why I support President Obama. Today I received two rather disrespectful comments at this post and I thought I’d address the issue of name-calling here.
There’s a lot of it in the media these days. And I don’t mean just the average, run-of-the-mill calling an elected official a rat-bag or incompetent dirtwad, I mean real name-calling that’s meant to completely colour over the person’s entire personality making them something they – actually aren’t.
If (Mr. Southers) you feel better calling me a mother fucker go ahead. But stop calling my president – whom you helped to elect – this completely demeaning and untruthful moniker which he has done not one thing to deserve. Your level of disrespect borders on treasonous. Grow up. Stop it.
This image says it all:
And while we’re at it… instead of wasting so much energy dermeaning our president how about answering this question? You Republicans set our congress in motion under the auspices of being better at creating jobs then the Democrats.
Where are they?
June 8, 2012
UPFRONT – UPDATE:
It would help to know ‘why’ you think this is a bad idea as this is exactly the place where ideas are shared. Here’s why I think it’s a good idea:
Many years ago I worked for a hotel manager who decided, after ten years, he wanted to replace me with a younger woman. He felt my position warranted a more youthful face. The problem was I belonged to a union which said he couldn’t arbitrarily fire me. He needed cause and I needed to either demonstrate an unwillingness to comply with company policy, or suddenly become completely inept at my job duties. He fought hard. I stood firm.
What he could do was make my life miserable by giving me the worst shifts. When even that didn’t work, he began calling me horrid names. One of the milder epithets tossed in my direction was ‘company cow’. When forced to work Halloween night (knowing I preferred to be with my children trick-or-treating) I showed up at work in full costume – as a guernsey cow complete with a bell that I proudly rang and rang and rang ad nauseum.
I pwned the cow. It was now MY joke and the prick for whom I worked lost face with his heretofore supporters.
This is the effect of owning the word ‘Slut’. When you own it – not only can no one ever use it against you again – it makes those who try look as small as they really are.
To go a step further, Rush Limbaugh calls us sluts for simply wanting equal pay for equal work, for wanting our health insurance to cover basic female health care the details of which to remain between us and our doctors – and not be hand-selected by legislators or employers.
It’s perfectly ok for Rush Limbaugh to have his health care insurance cover the cost of his Viagra prescription but not for my health care insurance to cover the cost of contraceptives which can – among other things – cure and prevent disease?
Whether you object to the RTSV tactic or not – these women are out there speaking and fighting for your rights in the middle of a huge delegation of Republicans who are currently trying their level best to take them all away.
And according to the RTSV FB page this morning, there’s evidently a new political party being talked about on another site as we speak – all about the women and not the politicians:
Women Rally in Washington to protect rights.
Check them out.
Jesse, over at The Immoral Minority, posted about a group called Rock The Slut Vote. So I went to their website and was hooked! In fact, I took their two-part test to see if I was a slut or not and…
…turns out I’m not just a slut but a RED HOT one and…
…an OPTIMISTIC one to boot!
Well I did burn my bra back in the sixties… so yeah.
There was a hitch in my initial registering as most US forms hate-hate-hate Australia’s 4-digit zip code – but a very nice lady erm I mean Slut named Susan (Hi Susan! Thanks again!) worked hard to fix the problem so Australia could get onto their group-Slut map as well:
Registering requires only an email address, country and zip code. And it doesn’t matter where you live! We’re all welcome to take part! All of our uteri are on the line here.
There’s an option to purchase an enrollment gift package – which I did – and I can’t wait to get my Rush Limbaugh Thinks I’m a Slut bumper sticker!
You can follow RTSV on Facebook and Twitter and they have several very informative posts already on Facebook – like this one:
Some very funny sayings like this one:
and a few quite clever out the Republican slogans like this one:
And the very best feature is their Frontline News section which has a complete listing of all legislation aimed at destroying women’s rights – per state – so we all know where and when to vote for what bit… Very convenient!
So go! Take the test! Share with us what kind of Slut you are! Then read everything you can about how we can help get those nasty Republicans out of our bodies once and for all!
Links to visit and share:
Rock The Slut Vote (War On Women) home page
Frontline (War On Women) News
Rock The Slut Vote (War on Women) Facebook page
[Click any Image to Enlarge]
June 2, 2012
The Romney campaign recently released a phone app misspelling their own campaign slogan (A Better Amercia) while newly-ordained campaign surrogate Donald Trump shows his true colours to the camera. Put it all together and you get the real essence of the Romney platform:
Move over Bald Eagle… The Donald appears to be proposing a new national bird too also!