CycloneSarah

 Sarah Palin’s cyclonic behaviour this past week has made my head spin.

First and foremost, was I the only one WHO GOT David Letterman’s joke? It was almost cute, actually. Ok, I wouldn’t have used it – but neither would I have accused David Letterman of havng lecherous motives. This is late-night television. Adults talking with adults after the kids have gone to bed. I fail to see the inappropriateness. 

<Insert> For my Oz friends who missed it, the much-fuss-made-over joke can be viewed here.

Comics are wordsmiths. Especially comics as seasoned and successful as David Letterman. It was a play on words. That’s all. A play on words. ‘Knocked up’ is an American expression for falling pregnant. It’s also an English expression for ‘company called’, meaning someone’s either knocked on your door or called you on the telephone. Even in Australia you will overhear people make the remark “Ok, well I’ll knock you up in a day or two…” and I must confess, it makes me giggle every time. 

‘Knocking one out of the park’ is, of course, scoring a home-run in baseball. If there’s something sleazy about the ballplayer used in the joke, it went over my head. I never followed baseball when I lived in the US – so I certainly don’t keep up with it now. 

The Alaska-bred Palin’s attended a ballgame in NY. Their appearance made the news. David Letterman tied all the meanings together into a one-liner joke for his monologue. Just like he’s done with daily news headlines on his show every evening for over thirty years. Just like Joey Bishop and Johnny Carson did for thirty years before him. Just like Jay Leno. NOBODY BUT SARAH would have considered turning this into such an overdone, humongous, public kerfuffle. 

But alas, our Sarah just doesn’t seem to know when to stop. Her maternal instincts are proving oxymoronish, as she keeps engaging her children in public battles inappropriate to both their ages and genders while blasting others for engaging her children in public battles inappropriate to both their ages and genders. If the small hair on the back of your neck isn’t making your brain scream DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER! it should be.

As the mother of four myself, I can tell you with all certainty that had a public figure made light of one of my daughters in a public forum and I found the comment offensive, I would have called him directly – questioned him personally – grilled him privately until I was satisfied I had the facts straight, and that it would never happen again. And then he would apologize to my daughter, in person and in private. (Does Sarah not know the purpose of the catch-all phrase ’no comment’?) I would not – in a hundred million years – have thought to air my reactions on public radio or television in a dramatic diatribe of outrage which called upon the very forces of estrogen to ban together in an apocalyptic burst of energy to secure rights for all women, everywhere. Why? Well, besides the obvious fatigue caused just by summoning the forces of estrogen, it’s because: 

* when someone takes a swing at one of your kids – you don’t hold the child over your head like a war flag on a pole and charge – you tuck them safely behind you so the next shot hits you and not your child. 

* any mother worth her salt knows that a public embarrassment – especially with a teenager – is only made worse (for the child) by further publicity. 

Because that’s what maternal instinct IS. It is the deep-seated awareness of your child’s immediate needs. It jumps to the front of your brain in a rush of adrenalin so you have the physical and mental acumen to withstand whatever circumstances are endangering your offspring. It overrides every other instinct you possess, possessing you until you are certain your child is safe.

CycloneSarah-girls

Unless of course, your name is Cyclone Sarah. In which case you muddy the issue by ignoring the obvious (that the joke was aimed at your 18 year old daughter whom you paraded on national television last year with full belly sans husband), and offer up a different child, claiming that the child to which Mr. Letterman referred in his off-colour joke is only 14 (when in fact she is 15 and a half), then dress her in inappropriate clothing and drag her out in public for all to leer erm I mean see.

These are Willow and Bristol Palin. In this picture, Willow is on stage with her mom at a planned event in front of cameras. Bristol is performing her duties as Ambassador for Abstinence. She, at least, is appropriately dressed for the event she’s attending. It does not surprise me at all that Mr. Letterman or any of his staff could have confused the two girls. Or their ages.

Had I shared Sarah’s opinion of what transpired on The David Letterman Show, Mr. Letterman would already be tied to one of my kitchen chairs, profusely apologizing to my daughter or I would be in his office, lambasting him into the next century. 

But I would not, WOULD NOT EVER consider dragging it into the open marketplace for the media and general public to make further speculation, and I would not, NOT use the insult as a stepping stone to launch yet another crusade to enhance my political career.

Really, it’s rather like brushing your hair, putting on fresh make-up then opening your front door where you know the paparazzi are camped and feign shock at finding them there. “NO! NO! NO PHOTOGRAPHS PLEASE! LET ME AT LEAST COMB MY HAIR!!!”

And for the record, Sarah, you DO dress like a slutty flight attendant. Not the ones who graciously assist us in the air, but the ones in B movies and adult anime clips. Your clothes are too tight, your skirts are too short, and most of your bright red, too-tall, open-toed shoes are the epitome of the old ‘come fuck me pumps’ from the 1980’s. 

Here’s a thought… use some of the money from your book deal to hire an actual fashion consultant and stop letting 1990’s beauty pageant styles or sordid clothing companies dress you and your girls. Willow’s too young and you’re too old.

PLEASE NOTE: To comment on this post, scroll back to the title: Cyclone Sarah Strikes Again and click on the word comments just underneath – Thanks  OzMud

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