To summarize the previous post:

Through public records in an Alaskan court we learn that Bristol Palin has filed for custody of her son Tripp. She claims to be fully employed as the owner of BSMP LLC, a company which offers political lobbying and consulting services. Bristol is 19 and barely out of high school. She uses this (group? firm? one-man business?) to collect (salaries? payroll cheques? donations?) from at least one known source, the Candie’s Foundation. As the Candie’s Foundation Ambassador for 2009, Bristol is charged with promoting abstinence-only education to other teenagers. To the best of public record, Bristol worked all of one day for this organization, headlining an event on 6 May 2009.

It is by virtue of this one day of work that Bristol claims (in court documentation) to be financially solvent. (At 19, I didn’t even know what financially solvent meant…)

And while the major networks along with other bloggers have been concentrating on the legitimacy of Bristol’s court-documented claims, I thought I’d trot over to the Candie’s website and have a sticky beak at the kind folks who are working so hard to teach today’s kids how to don a $15 tee-shirt and just say no to sex. It could actually start a whole new fad: “Read my shirt mister!”

Here’s the website addy again. You should really see it for yourself. No, really, I’ll wait. If you’re a slow reader it might take you all of twelve minutes to view every pic and read every page. There’s that much content *eyeroll* so really, I don’t mind waiting  🙂

It’s no secret that Candie’s originated as a line of quite alluring lingerie aimed at the 15 20 to 30 year old crowd. Founder Neil Cole’s transition from closet wardrobe guru to the saviour of American teenagers via teaching abstinence is well documented. Kudos I say to the man who saw a problem and decided to sieze civic duty by the throat collar and go out there and get his hands dirty do his part…

The Candie’s Foundation website spells out the whole premise of their fundraising organization in bright neon pink and black, proffers a brief history of the foundation and an even more brief bio of the founder, Neil Cole. It offers some tasteful photos of each of the events which have brought in their clamed millions of dollars in donations. It shows the covers of several publications and media logos, which either publicly support the foundation or simply allow Mr. Cole to advertise in their mags, I’m not clear which, to be honest. There’s a full registration page where you can sign up to get a newsletter, a page selling sexy abstinence-sloganed tee shirts and finally, there’s a page sporting all the info you’ll ever need to make a donation to this ever-so-worthy cause.

About the donations: You have two options. You can snail-mail cheques or phone in your CC info to their headquarters in New York. There’s no quick form to make an online donation. The New York telephone number will appear as a long distance call on your phone bill unless you actually live in NY. Don’t bother looking for a PayPal button, there isn’t one. It’s all a bit slack considering … I mean really, if your goal is to collect donations, you might actually want to make making those donations an easy task.

Well, I suppose they aren’t too worried about getting money from the little people. They get all those millions from their events. The Event to Prevent they’re called. One organized fundraiser a year and Neil Cole appears to be happy as a clam in heat a pig in mud.

There’s a page called PSA Campaign. That stands for Public Service Announcement. The campaign features nine different celebs, each with a message about teen pregnancy, set in the style of movie posters. There are three videos, one of which is downloadable. Nowhere does our ambassador appear. Nowhere.

I’m guessing Bristol Palin would have been a tad ineffective in any of these scenarios considering she already has a bub and she’s been on more than one interview, aired nationally, in which she tells the world how truly blessed she is for having Tripp and how wonderful it is to be a new mom, etc. That said, I found it odd that the paid spokesperson for 2009 isn’t anywhere to be seen in any of the ad campaigns. She gets paid for what, again?

But hark! What light through yonder window breaks! Why, it is the east and Britney Spears is the sun…

Two short months prior to Bristol Palin being named Ambassador to Candie’s Foundation and official spokesperson for teen abstinence, there was another Candie’s Girl. Our dear friend Britney Spears.

And you know it just has to be true because it was posted on youtube and well,  nobody sued 🙂

So the question becomes, what’s the difference between a Candie’s Girl and a Candie’s Ambassador? I mean besides three layers of clothes and a pole dance…

I’m guessing the difference is having Sarah Palin as your mother, busy in the background pulling strings, paying lawyers and organizing  your life so that it fits neatly into her political agenda.

I’m also guessing Sarah never saw this or there would be a lot of men running around the MSNBC vigilantly keeping guard over their testicles.

And finally, here are some stills from the Candie’s Foundation promotional video of Britney’s 2009 tour, introducing her to the world as the new Candie’s Girl of 2009:

Because nothing says abstinence…

better than being caged in a corset…

and having mock-group sex…

while wearing tassle-twirling pasties.

Full video here:

In 60 days the image of Candie’s Foundation went from:

To:

If I were an Alaskan journalist with credentials that allowed me passage into certain records buildings, I would be questioning the sincerity of the Candie’s Foundation in their goal to educate teenagers on abstinence, investigating their fundraising practices and determining exactly what duties Ambassador Palin has performed in the past eight months to warrant her needing to form a company with which to channel funds on their or her behalf.

And if I were Levi Johnston’s solicitor, I’d be writing up subpeonas for tax records of both Bristol Palin and the Candie’s Foundation, and tossing a bone or two into the IRS lunchroom and see if it attracted any attention from the big  dogs.

And I would consider it my civic duty 🙂

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