Kulula is a South African Airline. Their head office is in Johannesburg and they make only domestic flights.

Earlier this year, in a bid to attract more business, Kulula Airline gave commercial flying a makeover, complete with a cheeky paint job and a sassy crew. And their customers are loving it.


[Full story here]
[Kulula website here]  [Kulula on Twitter]  [Kulula on Faceook]

The following are reportedly accurate and genuine (though I’ve no way of confirming this) dialogues between Kulula flight personnel and their fares.


On Kulula flights there is no assigned seating. Passengers sit wherever they please. On a particular flight where passengers were milling about, apparently having a hard time choosing seats, a flight attendant impatiently announced, “People! People! We’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”
On a flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
Flight Attendant upon landing: “Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you have to leave something, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”
Flight Attendant giving the pre-flight speech: “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”
Kulula Pilot: “Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
As a Kulula plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant announced: “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”
More pre-flight speech:

“Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth.To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”
“In the event of sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.”
“Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines.”

“Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
From the pilot during his welcome message: “Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”

A Kulula flight into Cape Town had the Captain fighting a strong wind during the final approach. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”
Flight Attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. As the passengers disembarked, a little old lady asked if she could have a word with the pilot.  The pilot met her at the door: “Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?” “Why, no Ma’am,” said the pilot. “What is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land, or were we shot down?”
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.”
Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of Kulula Airways.”
Heard on a Kulula flight: “Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light ’em, you can smoke ’em.”
A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the Captain made an announcement over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax… OH, MY GOD!” Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the Captain’s voice returned to the intercom: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.  While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!” A passenger then yelled, “That’s nothing. You should see the back of mine!”

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If the Teabaggers and political doomsayers who are busy decrying this particular set of November elections in the U.S. spent more time living and less time whining, think of all the great adventures we could be sharing on our blogs 🙂

To comment on this post please scroll up to the title “Flying 101” and click on the word comments just beneath.  Thanks, OzMud