By now I’m sure you all think I have a fetish for Sarah Palin’s full-length, red winter coat. Pfft. Red isn’t even my colour. But yes, here we are again addressing this bit of fur-topped cloth because while looking for a photo which promised to prove beyond doubt that Sarah was in fact showing a baby bump as early as February 2008,  I instead tripped over all of this:

16 February 2008

To review – Sarah’s spokesperson, while giving the press a statement on behalf of the Palins, Mr. & Mrs. Todd, only hours after the supposed birth of son Trig, set the timeline for Sarah’s alleged pregnancy. The bub was born that morning, 18 April 2008 at 36 weeks making him exactly one month premature. Sarah has laughingly bragged about having only been pregnant for a month. I often believe that’s more truth than irony as she only had to fake it for 30 days. Telling the world she was only pregnant for a month may well be the honest truth – making that her little joke on the rest of us. But I digress.

If Sarah Palin was 36 weeks pregnant on the morning of 18 April 2008 that meant she was 30 weeks pregnant at the photo-op with the Target Mascot on 1 March 2008 (below) and subsequently 28 weeks pregnant when she waved the checkered flag at the finish of the 2008 Iron Dog Race in the video above.

For those unfamiliar (yes, I’m looking at all the men now) with how weeks and trimesters work let me offer a brief explanation. Without going into menstruation cycles and counting backwards to flow times (stop cringing boys you can shoulder this for a few more seconds) to calculate due dates, just know a human pregnancy is 9 months divided into three sections – or trimesters. The first trimester is from 1-12 weeks, the second is week 13 through 27 and the third is week 28 through 40. (And while all women are different, there are certain physical traits which occur in all pregnancies, inherent to each of the different trimesters.)

Technically the first trimester includes the 2 weeks just prior to conception and the three are calculated as: 1-12, 13-27, 28-42 weeks in all. I only mention this because in the photos I’m about to show you, there will be natural discrepancies in some cases of 1-2 weeks in how the following women are measuring their number of weeks pregnant and it would be impossible for me to make corrections. So for the purpose of this post I am taking these women’s claims at face value.

So minor discrepancies aside, the important thing to remember is none of these pregnant women are in their first trimester. All are reporting being at between 28 and 30 weeks along and regardless of inaccuracies in measurments, all are well beyond the stage of being able to hide a growing 2-3 lb fetus wrapped in a bubble of amniotic fluid surrounded by body fat.

At the Iron Dog Race Sarah would have been – by her own admission – around 28 weeks pregnant or, at the beginning of her third trimester. The baby would have been 2 lbs. 6 oz (the birth weight of 6 lbs. 2 oz sets this number).

I invite you to look at the video again. Wait! What? At :14 how does she bend backwards? How is her posture so erect? Where’s the arched back that adjusts ones posture to compensate for the front bulge? Why isn’t she doing the duck walk? Pregnant women beyond the first trimester have a definitive ‘waddle’ due to a spreading pelvis and the pressure exerted from housing a small person in your abdominal cavity. The front load causes your normal balance to be off-kilter making it difficult to bend forward, certainly but… tossing your head back, kicking your foot out and leaning backwards is a pipe dream for us mere mortals.

Walking with your legs together? Not after the pelvis has begun to spread, parting your hips like Moses and the Red Sea you don’t.

Maybe it’s because she is in such great shape, being so thin and having tight abs…

Hmm…

It’s got to be the red coat! It’s enchanted! It’s magical! There’s just no other explanation! Otherwise how could Sarah do this just two weeks later:

Well let’s be fair. We all have different body shapes and sizes. Maybe Sarah was slimmer than the woman above.

Oops.

A magic coat that makes a 3 lb bub and 5 lbs worth of amniotic fluid disappear when you want to bend over and pet a dog! Sarah’s missed her calling. It appears the real fortune is in marketing a whole line of Made in Alaska Enchanted Red Winter Coats!

(Ok but… what animal do you need to shoot to get it?)

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