Sarah-

So a couple of photos proving you ran in the half marathon at Storm Lake Iowa on 04 September have flittered about the blogosphere. One made some of us shake our heads, quite sure it had been photoshopped. One made us go oops she really did run it huh?

And I must be painfully honest with you Sarah, I really don’t give a crap whether you did or didn’t, do or don’t run at all. I’m quite sure you ran as a young woman and that you enjoyed it and even possibly used running to trim down after each of your pregnancies. (I was a dancer. I danced away all the pregnancy fat after each of mine.) I don’t, however, believe for a second that you run every day now because you’re Sarah Palin. Cameras follow you everywhere you go and not one inch of celluloid showing you running on a remote road (other than those pre-planned runs for photoshoots) has surfaced in almost three years.

And I would be quite happy to drop the whole issue except for this nagging feeling in my gut – and a closer look at the photos proffered as evidence of your almost 2 hour run on 04 September 2011.

Let’s look at them together shall we?

Well I must admit these certianly do look like beginning and ending shots of a runner. Wait. What the… Huh?

Can we zoom in a bit please? Aww thanks…

[click each image to enlarge]

Well sure, I suppose at some point during the 1.46 race time the weather shifted and you shed some layers – like the headband and top red shirt. No worries. I also guess that it’s possible the grey collar is just the top band of your tee-shirt pulled up for some reason. Ok. I’m fine with that. But umm…

Why is the sleeve on a shirt that visually only comes to your waist so giant-like huge? It’s literally two or three sizes bigger than your arm and is so long it covers your hand completely. Ok maybe you grabbed someone else’s red shirt and it just doesn’t fit. But then why roll up the hem? Hmmm…

And doesn’t this picture show the race number as being attached to the top of the red shirt in the front? If it is, how on earth did you manage to slip it off during the race? Lifting it over your head would have pulled the grey tee with it no?

And where did the word Jump disappear to? It should be partially visible above the number 6. Shadows? Wait – no shadows… it’s 7:30 am and overcast.

Uh-oh – looks like you bumped into some wet paint and stained your nice black pants. What a shame!. They look great on you!

But wait a minute… how did the paint stain shift from one leg to the other during the race? (Update: According to comments, there’s a white smudge on both legs  – but even blown up I can’t find it. I am, however, willing to concede to younger eyes than mine!) (H/T to Andrea)

Surely you didn’t stop during the race and take them off and then put them back on back to front did you? No wait that wouldn’t work. If you’d put them on backwards the paint stain would shift to the back of your leg. Well that’s certainly a head-scratcher!

Ok Sarah now I know you’re just messing with us. Where (during the race) did you get the snazzy timing gear? Doesn’t that type have a wire that runs up your arm, through your sleeve, down your back to come out and then run down to your shoe? Did you attach this when you took off the red shirt and white headband?  UPDATE: Correction – that thing that looks like a cable is in fact a sidewalk crack – what a terrific illusion! (H/T the problem child)

And if you did this during the race, how would it give you an accurate time at the end?

You’re really a Houdini at heart aren’t you!

Now Sarah, I know you hate science but…

…did you know one can tell the time of day a photo was taken by the shadow the images cast?  You need to know the city and state, the height of the image and the ratio between the shadow and the image height.

Well Sarah, according to Sandburg Center for Sky Awareness, someone your size between 9:30 and 10am on 04, Sept 2011, at Storm lake Iowa would have cast a shadow 12 inches (or more) longer than the one you seem to be casting here. The length of your shadow actually seems to more accurately portray a photo taken at either 11am or 1pm. Of course – I can be wrong but still…

And I guess I’m also a bit befuddled at the whole lack of people in this second photo. I’m sure you have a reasonable explanation but really Sarah… where are all the folks who drove, flew, trained, biked and bussed themselves in to see you at this shindig? One would think that fans willing to spend several hours on freezing nights in shopping mall parking lots just to get a glimpse of you and a signed copy of your book would surely be patient enough to wait one hour and forty-six minutes for you to run a race and be there at the finish line to cheer you on?

But there’s no one. Just the nice man waving you across the finish line. That is what he’s doing with his arms, right? Waving you over the line? Well no, that would be silly because you’re just walking calmly checking your time. He would surely have relaxed his arms by now, wouldn’t he?

Especially since you’re checking your time against a device you only wore in part during the race? Hmm…

Ok Sarah I’m signing off now. Can’t wait to hear all the explanations come out of the woodwork. You need to know though Sarah, that if you actually did run the whole race and in one hour and forty-six minutes, that these badly staged, after-thought photos injected to ensure we all see what you want us to see rather than just showing us the naked truth from the beginning are just the kind of thing that make most of us disbelieve you in the end.

When I see video footage of you running through an entire race, then I will happily concede. Until then – for me – this was just another phoney image you dreamed up to give yourself a legitimacy you didn’t earn just to fill your wallet.

-OzMud

PS – Don’t know how I could have missed this earlier but Sarah? How can a person sweat so profusely on their neck and shoulders while staying perfectly bone dry under their arms? You continue to amaze…

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